Releasing The Resume: Finding Yourself Off The Page
Guest Podcast on the Life Coach in Your Pocket Show
What You'll Hear in This Episode
What happens when your resume is impressive but you don't know who you are without it? In this conversation with Rachel Bailey, I share the uncomfortable truth about spending years building accomplishments while losing myself in the process.
We talk about:
✨ The two bios I sent (and why one felt like a lie)
✨ Why my resume intimidates others—but crushes me
✨ The moment someone asked about my hobbies and I froze
✨ Checking all the boxes and still feeling empty
✨ How I went to the Himalayas to find myself (yes, really)
✨ The difference between circumstantial confidence and consistent confidence
✨ Why knowing your values for success changes everything
If you've ever felt like you're performing a life instead of living one, this episode is for you.
The Bio I Didn't Want to Send
When Rachel asked me to send her a bio for the podcast, I froze.
I ended up sending two. The first one read like a resume:
"For the last eight years, I've been working as a Certified Fraud Examiner, a criminal investigator for the United States Air Force. I have nine internationally recognized certifications. I'm a master certified coach. I've helped over 70 people in the last year alone. I'm an active member of the International Coaching Federation. I've lived in two countries, coached in French and English, and have extensive experience living and working abroad."
It's impressive. I know that. But when I read it back to myself, I thought: What does this actually tell you about who I am?
So I sent a second bio. One that focused on my qualities as a person. The things I'm most proud of. The things that motivated me to earn those accomplishments in the first place.
And that simple question—what should I send for my bio?—left me with this immense conflict: What do I show people? What do I tell them? Who am I beyond the degrees and certifications?
Why My Resume Intimidates You (But Crushes Me)
Rachel said something that hit me hard: "Listening to you read that bio, I find it a little intimidating."
And I told her: I get that more often than I'd like to.
But here's the truth. My resume might intimidate you, but what it's really doing is setting a bar so high for myself that I can't even reach it.
When I lead with my accomplishments, I'm saying: This is what you can expect of me. Excellence. Achievement. This is how I want you to think of me. This is what you should compare me to every time I open my mouth.
That's a lot of pressure. And honestly? I judge myself more harshly because of it than anyone else ever could.
The Wake-Up Call: "What Are Your Hobbies?"
I was getting my MBA. I was in the military. I was accomplishing everything I'd set out to do.
And then a classmate asked me: "So, what are your hobbies?"
I froze.
I told him, "Well, I go to the gym."
He looked at me and said, "The gym isn't a hobby. We have to do that to stay fit for work. What are your hobbies?"
I had nothing.
I'd been in a relationship for about a year at that point, and I realized all of my "hobbies" were really just me being a good girlfriend. That was another accomplishment on the list.
I had this big resume. I was getting my MBA full-time. I was serving in the military. And I couldn't answer a simple small-talk question.
It felt silly. But it was devastating. Because it made me question everything I'd worked toward. I'd spent six years doing and accomplishing—but I had no idea how to have fun by my own definition.
Checking All the Boxes and Still Feeling Empty
A couple of years later, I found myself at what I thought was the pinnacle of my accomplishments.
I owned a condo in Los Angeles. I finally got a dog—the first selfish decision I'd ever made. I had what I thought was my dream job. I was salsa dancing seven hours a week.
And yet I felt this empty void. This dissatisfaction.
I was so confused. I thought, I've checked all my boxes. Is this it? At 26, is this all there is?
That's when I first reached out to coaching. Not even for myself—I saw a friend hosting a webinar and thought, I'll just support her.
I didn't start because I wanted something out of it. I started just to support somebody else.
But when I did the webinar, I realized: What I thought I wanted was more boxes to check. I wanted someone to tell me what's next. Give me a plan and I'll do it.
What I actually ended up learning through coaching was to embrace uncertainty. To ask: Who am I when there is no plan? How do I learn to love and enjoy life without worrying about the next box I need to check?
Who Am I When There Is No Plan?
That's the question that changed everything.
Because for so long, my identity was my titles. I was a Special Agent. I was an active-duty military member. I was an officer. I had degrees. I was educated.
But I didn't see in myself the qualities other people saw in me.
So one of the first things I learned was to lean on others—not just for their perspective, but for their support. To look at my identity outside of who I thought I was.
I started asking my friends: What do you see in me? Who do you see me as? What are the qualities and characteristics about me that you love and admire?
I needed that to combat the hyper-critical thought process I had. I was so trained to police myself, criticize myself, focus on the next task ahead. I never allowed myself to be present and enjoy who I was.
So listening to other people was the first lesson. Not to tell me who I was, but to pull up a mirror and show me the label from outside the jar.
Tapping Into Joy: The Evidence I Needed
Rachel asked me: How do you practice being yourself if you don't know who you are?
Here's what I did.
I connected to positive emotions. I thought back to times when I felt really excited or like I was having a lot of fun. I put myself back in my shoes and took notice of what was happening.
What was I doing? Who was I surrounded by?
I gathered that data. And I noticed a pattern.
I found myself joyful and excited in social situations. I loved helping people one-on-one. I loved deeper conversations. I loved dancing and jazz music.
Those were the pieces of evidence I needed to remind myself that I could have fun and do that on my own.
Once I had the what, I could set that intention for myself.
The Himalayas: The First Time I Felt Seen
Before I found coaching, I made the second selfish decision of my life: I signed up for a trek in the Himalayas.
I joined a trip with 19 strangers—friendly Canadians, none of whom I'd met before. I spent a month with them in Nepal.
And that trip changed my life.
It wasn't about the miles I walked. It wasn't about the accomplishment of having done it.
It was the first time in my life that I felt totally relaxed, at ease, and seen in a group of people.
I didn't have to prove anything to anyone. I had no responsibility. No one knew me. It was a safe space for me to just be.
And I left with 19 friends who genuinely liked me—not because I was needed, but because of who I was.
Three of them were life coaches. That's how I met my first coach. That's how this journey started.
Unapologetically Yourself (Even in the Commander's Office)
One of the things I learned through this process was to be unapologetic.
And I know that word is a buzzword. But I've experienced levels of unapologetic.
To be unapologetically yourself in all circumstances is a challenge. And for me, it became a fun challenge.
How do I walk into a military commander's office and crack a joke? I have a sense of humor. I couldn't repress that.
Being funny. Being compassionate. Being direct. In the past, someone might have called me abrasive. But now? I'm honest and direct. And the people who appreciate that communication style come to me for it.
They come to me because I allow them to see past the lies and the BS they've been telling themselves. They come to me because they want the honest truth.
That thing I used to feel ashamed of—my abrasiveness—became one of my greatest assets. And I've been able to use that in coaching, in the military, in my friendships, in my relationships.
That's the best example of unearthing a positive quality about yourself and taking that with you into the next iteration of who you're becoming.
Circumstantial Confidence vs. Consistent Confidence
Rachel asked me about a webinar I was hosting on confidence. And here's what I found when I interviewed 40 people about confidence, authenticity, and vulnerability:
Most people still define confidence as something that has to be earned.
They think confidence is based on competence. How comfortable you feel in your own skin is based on how much experience you have doing that thing. How many years on your resume. How many times you've done it before.
But that's circumstantial confidence. You're waiting on the environment to allow you to feel comfortable.
What I teach is consistent confidence. You don't have to wait for the circumstances to be right. You can choose and practice being comfortable in your own skin first—and then take that version of yourself into any room you walk into.
Knowing Your Values for Success
One of the first tips I give people is this: You have to trust yourself. And to trust yourself, you have to know yourself.
That doesn't just mean knowing your favorite color. It means knowing your values.
Specifically, your values for success.
Which of your values are serving you and allowing you to be confident? And which are holding you back from being comfortable in your own skin?
Our values are totally unconscious. We have some we're aware of—I value freedom, I value my time, I value my family.
But there are so many unconscious values at play that impact your behavior, and you aren't even aware of it.
When you pull those into the conscious, you completely understand yourself. You completely understand your behavior. You understand what you're chasing. What your definition of success even is. What your definition of who you are even is.
You Don't Have to Perform Your Resume
Here's what I want you to take away from this:
You are not your resume. You are not your titles. You are not your accomplishments.
You are the person who earned those things. You are the qualities and characteristics that motivated you to do the hard work.
And the world doesn't need another polished, perfect version of you. The world needs the messy, real, vulnerable version of you.
The version that cracks jokes in the commander's office. The version that dances for seven hours a week. The version that goes to the Himalayas on a whim because something inside you said yes.
That's the version worth knowing. That's the version worth being.
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